35+ Messed Up Jokes For People With Twisted Humor (2023)

Table of Contents
📖 Content: What Are Messed Up Jokes? Funny Messed Up Jokes 1. Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face. For instance, when you push them down the stairs. 2. Why do women always have sex with the lights off? Because they never like to see a man having a good time. 3. What’s the difference between me and cancer? My dad didn’t beat cancer. 4. I visited my friend at his new house. He told me to make myself at home. So I threw him out. I hate having visitors. 5. When is it okay to beat up a dwarf? When he’s standing next to your girlfriend saying that her hair smells nice. 6. Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life. 7. What do you call a man who cries while he pleasures himself? A tearjerker. 8. My grandfather says I’m too reliant on technology. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support. 9. What’s red and bad for your teeth? A brick. 10. What’s the difference between a jew and a boy scout? The scout comes back from camp. 11. What makes sad people jump? Bridges. 12. I just read that someone in New York gets stabbed every 52 seconds. Poor guy. 13. How is sex like a game of bridge? If you have a great hand, you don’t need a partner. Really Messed Up Jokes 1. What did the oven say to the chicken? “I can’t wait to have you inside me.” 2. What do alcoholics and amputees have in common? They are both legless. 3. What is my favorite thing about my grandpa? His life insurance. 4. What do you get if you cross a loaf of bread with a vagina? A yeast infection 5. Why is my sister named Rose?” asked the boy. “Because your mum loves roses. You already knew, Cocaine.” replied the dad. 6. What do you call a paraplegic stuck in a tower? In trouble. 7. They say make up sex is the best… Which is lucky because all my sex is made up. 8. Where can you never take an orphan for dinner? A family restaurant. 9. Why do cats make the perfect animal for experimentation? Because they have nine lives. 10. Why do nerds like playing tennis? Because it’s the only love they get. 11. What goes in dry and hard and exits soft and wet? Bubble gum! 12. What do tofu and a dildo have in common? They are both meat substitutes. 13. If your Uncle Jack was on his roof, and he wanted you to help him down, would you help your Uncle Jack off? Messed Up Knock Knock Jokes 1. Knock, knock! Who’s there? Justin. Justin who? You’re Justin time to kiss my butt! 2. Knock, knock! Who’s there? Ivanna Seymour. Ivanna Seymour who? Ivanna Seymour Butts. 3. Knock knock! Who’s there? Iguana. Iguana who? Iguana touch your boobs! 4. Knock knock! Who’s there? Dover. Dover who? Ben Dover and I’ll show you! 5. Knock knock! Who’s there? How could you forget my name after last night? 6. Knock knock! Who’s there? Helda dick. Helda dick who? I Helda dick and the wind blew it for me. 7. Knock knock! Who’s There? Dewey. Dewey who? Dewey have to use a condom every time? 8. Knock knock! Who’s there? Idaho! Idaho who? I da ho? No! You da ho! 9. Knock, Knock! Who’s there? Howie! Howie who? Howie gonna hide this dead body? 10. Knock knock! Who’s there? Kiss. Kiss who? Kiss me! 11. Knock knock! Who’s there? Master. Master who? Master baiter! 12. Knock knock! Who’s there? Myra! Myra who? My right nut. 13. Knock knock! Who’s there? Not someone who will get you laid. Videos
Quiz:What Elden Ring class should you play?

📖 Content:

  • 🙃 What Are Messed Up Jokes?
  • 😉 Funny Messed Up Jokes
  • 😝 Really Messed Up Jokes
  • 😜 Messed Up Knock Knock Jokes

What Are Messed Up Jokes?

If you’re used to hearing funny jokes that are light and cheerful, you’re in for a shock the first time you hear messed up jokes. These jokes can be rude and insensitive especially when it’s about making fun of things that shouldn’t be laughed at like poverty, depression, disease or other depressing stuff.

Even though messed up jokes can get pretty dark and offensive, they can also be unbelievably funny! Telling messed up jokes is perfect for forcing a chuckle or laugh out of anyone whether they like it or not!

Funny Messed Up Jokes

Although you know you shouldn’t laugh at messed up jokes, they can be funny and even relatable! When telling funny messed up jokes, make sure to tell it to your closest friends who share your twisted sense of humor and will understand! You don’t want to mess up friendships because of these jokes!

1. Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face. For instance, when you push them down the stairs.

Am I terrible for saying this is so satisfying!

2. Why do women always have sex with the lights off? Because they never like to see a man having a good time.

I disagree! I bet a man made this joke.

Suggested read:Tasteless Jokes

3. What’s the difference between me and cancer? My dad didn’t beat cancer.

I’m so sorry to hear that your dad beat you!

4. I visited my friend at his new house. He told me to make myself at home. So I threw him out. I hate having visitors.

Be careful when you tell people to make themselves at home!

5. When is it okay to beat up a dwarf? When he’s standing next to your girlfriend saying that her hair smells nice.

Umm… What kind of hair are we talking about here?!

6. Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

This doesn’t sound as wise as this statement pretends to be. That’s murder, you know!

🤓 Suggested read: 45 Good Roasts That Hurt

7. What do you call a man who cries while he pleasures himself? A tearjerker.

I guess it was a touching experience!

(Video) Over 35? 40? | Stop Doing Your Concealer Like A YouTuber - Tips + Tutorial from a Pro MUA

8. My grandfather says I’m too reliant on technology. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.

It wasn’t an invitation to kill him!

9. What’s red and bad for your teeth? A brick.

Please don’t tell me that you’ve been hit by a brick!

10. What’s the difference between a jew and a boy scout? The scout comes back from camp.

Comparing a boy scouts’ camp to a Nazi concentration camp is not the same!

11. What makes sad people jump? Bridges.

When bridges happen to sad people… This is really sad, actually!

12. I just read that someone in New York gets stabbed every 52 seconds. Poor guy.

They’re not talking about just one person!

13. How is sex like a game of bridge? If you have a great hand, you don’t need a partner.

I know it’s supposed to be funny, but it’s also kinda depressing.

👉 Shocking people with messed up jokes is an easy way to get people’s attention, but not everyone might like it. That’s why we’ve collected some easy tips to help you start conversations in a less controversial way. Check out these conversation starters!

Really Messed Up Jokes

While messed up jokes are pretty hilarious on their own, really messed up jokes take it to a whole new level. These jokes really test the boundaries of what’s acceptable as a joke. If you tell really messed up jokes to someone who’s not on the same wavelength as you, make sure you know the risks. They’ll either laugh and feel guilty a little bit, or they’ll say with a look of disguise on their eyes, “Whoa! That’s really messed up!” And you might never see them again!

1. What did the oven say to the chicken? “I can’t wait to have you inside me.”

This shouldn’t be sexual at all, but it made you think it right?!

2. What do alcoholics and amputees have in common? They are both legless.

That’s so depressing. I think I need a drink.

(Video) 35+ Unknown Hidden Apple Watch, Tips & Tricks You GOTTA TRY!

3. What is my favorite thing about my grandpa? His life insurance.

This is too dark! Hope he doesn’t leave you anything!

4. What do you get if you cross a loaf of bread with a vagina? A yeast infection

So that’s how you get it!

5. Why is my sister named Rose?” asked the boy. “Because your mum loves roses. You already knew, Cocaine.” replied the dad.

Guess his mom likes roses and drugs!

6. What do you call a paraplegic stuck in a tower? In trouble.

This is so true!

🤓 Suggested read: 50 Funny Insults To Get On People's Nerves

7. They say make up sex is the best… Which is lucky because all my sex is made up.

Whatever floats your boat!

8. Where can you never take an orphan for dinner? A family restaurant.

That’s harsh! They can still eat!

9. Why do cats make the perfect animal for experimentation? Because they have nine lives.

If only this was true!

10. Why do nerds like playing tennis? Because it’s the only love they get.

Don’t worry. Nerds are your future bosses. They can buy someone to love them in the future!

11. What goes in dry and hard and exits soft and wet? Bubble gum!

What were you thinking?

(Video) Funny And Sometimes A Little Dark Comics

12. What do tofu and a dildo have in common? They are both meat substitutes.

As long as it makes you happy!

13. If your Uncle Jack was on his roof, and he wanted you to help him down, would you help your Uncle Jack off?

That’s wordplay for you! Even the most innocent things can become incest!

👉 After reading these really messed up jokes, we have funny dad jokes to make things more wholesome. Take a look at our list of 80+ best dad jokes that will make you laugh or groan!

Messed Up Knock Knock Jokes

Messed up knock knock jokes are the best. At first, they seem like ordinary knock knock jokes, but the punchline will totally knock people out! It’s always hilarious and shocking when innocent words can become really dirty! I’m looking at you Candice as in “Candice nuts fit in your mouth?!”

Here are some messed up knock knock jokes that will totally make you and your friends laugh!

1. Knock, knock! Who’s there? Justin. Justin who? You’re Justin time to kiss my butt!

If you need a favor, you need to kiss a lot of butts. That’s the way of life!

2. Knock, knock! Who’s there? Ivanna Seymour. Ivanna Seymour who? Ivanna Seymour Butts.

To be specific, I want to see more cute butts!

3. Knock knock! Who’s there? Iguana. Iguana who? Iguana touch your boobs!

I’ll think about it! You get additional points for asking!

4. Knock knock! Who’s there? Dover. Dover who? Ben Dover and I’ll show you!

You bend over!

5. Knock knock! Who’s there? How could you forget my name after last night?

Because it’s supposed to be a one night stand!

(Video) I Got 100 YouTubers to Sign My Gold Play Button

6. Knock knock! Who’s there? Helda dick. Helda dick who? I Helda dick and the wind blew it for me.

Hope you and your partner had a great time!

7. Knock knock! Who’s There? Dewey. Dewey who? Dewey have to use a condom every time?

Yes, if you want to be safe! No one wants to get an STD!

8. Knock knock! Who’s there? Idaho! Idaho who? I da ho? No! You da ho!

Can we all agree we’re not hoes! We’re powerful women!

9. Knock, Knock! Who’s there? Howie! Howie who? Howie gonna hide this dead body?

Put sunglasses on him and put on summer clothes on him. Are you thinking about Weekend at Bernie’s?

10. Knock knock! Who’s there? Kiss. Kiss who? Kiss me!

If you’re cute, you might just get a kiss!

11. Knock knock! Who’s there? Master. Master who? Master baiter!

Get outta here!

12. Knock knock! Who’s there? Myra! Myra who? My right nut.

So? Are we supposed to do something with your right nut?

13. Knock knock! Who’s there? Not someone who will get you laid.

Who says I’m looking to get laid?

👉 Looking for more knock knock jokes? Check out these hilarious knock knock jokes!

Videos

1. Top 15 Subliminal Messages In Disney Movies
(Top Fives)
2. Ariana Grande - 34+35 (Remix) ft. Doja Cat, Megan Thee Stallion
(Ariana Grande)
3. 99.9% Of All Women Are Turned On If You Say "THIS" | Tested on 1000's of Women
(Marni Your Personal Wing Girl)
4. The sun goes down, my zoot comes up | Glad U Came - Liilz (Lyrics) (Tiktok Song)
(Iconic Lyrics)
5. Makeup Over 35
(Marlena Stell)
6. 35+ book haul
(mycozybookspace)
Top Articles
Latest Posts
Article information

Author: Pres. Lawanda Wiegand

Last Updated: 02/04/2023

Views: 5672

Rating: 4 / 5 (71 voted)

Reviews: 86% of readers found this page helpful

Author information

Name: Pres. Lawanda Wiegand

Birthday: 1993-01-10

Address: Suite 391 6963 Ullrich Shore, Bellefort, WI 01350-7893

Phone: +6806610432415

Job: Dynamic Manufacturing Assistant

Hobby: amateur radio, Taekwondo, Wood carving, Parkour, Skateboarding, Running, Rafting

Introduction: My name is Pres. Lawanda Wiegand, I am a inquisitive, helpful, glamorous, cheerful, open, clever, innocent person who loves writing and wants to share my knowledge and understanding with you.